Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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