lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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