He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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