You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
