When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
