Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
