Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
