Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
