Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
