I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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