Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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