roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize