Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
