Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
