I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
