just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
