my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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