we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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