He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
