This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
