Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
