You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
