I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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