I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I stole a fireplace last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sex in a hospital.. check
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
