also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
