Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
