white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
