The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
