If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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