i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
