i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
