Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
