So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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