dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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