just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
sex in a hospital.. check
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
