I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
