1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His nipple licking is glorious
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