Where is the hickey?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
