If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
