and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
