I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
