that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My feet surprised me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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