**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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