I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
