I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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