he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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