Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
