I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
