so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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