I wanna passion pit in your ass
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
