Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
