Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All the doctor said was why
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
