To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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