i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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