Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
