I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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