I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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