My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
