I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
