i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
