Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
