Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
